Saturday, April 15, 2006

Science wins

When comparing Science and religion, and it often comes up in conversations around me, I am firm believer that Science wins out. I once heard the Dali Lamas speak and he saw that in matters of the universe that science and religion overlap it is a good bet on science. It is a fact that science openly admits it does not have all the facts (facts being an important word.) Science is based on facts and plausible theories.

Religion on the other hand, while its practitioners admit they do not have all the answers, have dogma that religion does have all the answers and some of its human leaders are in fact infallible. That means they can't make mistakes. Wow, that is a tough room. You never really hear a religious practitioner back down on a strong point saying, "the facts are a bit fuzzy on that question." If they want to make a point, the answer is unquestionable, infallible.

Science is based on facts that can be replicated by anyone willing to take the time to learn and the effort to replicate an experiment. They are a lot of grey areas and facts to be proven without a doubt. Science admits this. And this makes it much more honest and truthful I believe. It knows we are trying to make sense of the universe and are only beginning the journey and not waiting for an all-knowing end to all things.

See, I believe that science and religion are looking for basically the same things. And that they can support and guide each other. They are two sides of the same coin. When looking at the physical world and where we evolved from and how things work on the practical realm, science wins out every time. And when looking at these subjects religion should bow to science and adapt to the facts of the world as we learn them. I mean, we all thought the world was flat and the center of the universe and now we know we are on a small insignificant rock in the middle of a pretty ordinary galaxy.

The spiritual realm is a place of ethics and questions of right and wrong and justice and emotion. There are some questions that science can help with; like that we are well-evolved mammals and emotions are chemical responses to stimuli. But, put all that we are together and we are more than the sum of our parts. What do we want to be? How do we treat our neighbors and what do we hold important? The spiritual practices help us make these decisions of what we are as living societies and individuals. I do not think that the universe can guide us in this fashion. It believes the Universe is a place of possibilities and interactive matter and energy. It is within ourselves that we define what we are as a race. And that is what religion is. Not as clear-cut as a big guy carving our some rules on a rock. But a metaphor for a race of beings, part of the Universe as conscious individual parts, defining what they hold as important to define how they interact and survive.

Some may look at my attitude and think of me as a humanist and an atheist. But, I am very spiritual and deeply believe in GOD. But, I have been on a journey for over 18 years now to find what GOD means to me. It was once God. Once the Catholic Church. Once Eastern philosophy; Confucius, Buddha and Taoism. But, I have read many times that you need to be true to yourself and also to move beyond religion as the great mystics have. I am stripping away my culture, my desires and my human individuality to find GOD. The universal and mover unmoved. A pure vision of GOD. I am not always happy with the answers I get. I try and not judge the answers. It is the answers that are important, not my whims.

I try and think as a scientist of religion.

Friday, December 09, 2005

It's snowing!!!!!!!!


ok, some poeple do not like snow, but I do. Sure do. Just the thought of snow makes me giddy as in fourth grade. Not sure what it is, just love everything about it; its beauty, the smell in the crisp air, it makes everything seem close and slows life down for a moment, it is natures way of making us smell the roses. I don't even mind driving in it, "slow and steady makes you read."

Hell, it even got me back on this blog, which I keep meaning to start up. Setting up an non-work' machine at home to do this. Hopefully then I can sit at home, watch the snow and blog my heart away.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Sili-cone

I have been looking forwards to our trip to the parks out west for sometime. The excitement built when we went to capmor to pick up sleeping bags. Putting the bags down on the fake terrain and feeling the lack of heft makes me feel like camping on the cutting edge. I picked up a few other odds and ends for the modern adventurer, compass, silicon spray for a windbreaker. But couldn’t find a windbreaker I loved.

So, today I popped into The Gap to see if any were on clearance to no avail. Then ran across the road to Old Navy. And there it was, light and ready for a hose-down of water proofing goodness.

Tonight I did the first coat of silicon. I plan to do three for safe measure. One little note when spraying silicon I should mention, not a breathing mask (wore that) not gloves. Make sure you wear sneakers when you spray. Ever since I did the first coat I have been sliding around the house like “old time rock and roll” is playing on the stereo.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

web for life

Art of living
07-19-05

The Art of Living is in living itself. It is in the myriad of possibilities and personalities. It is in being yourself and living your life, not someone else’s. It is expecting others to be themselves and not like you and finding the wonder in that. It may not be easy.

The Art of Living is in being aware you are in fact living. Of all the matter in the Universe it is special thing to be alive and even more so to be aware you are alive. That you are the universe looking back upon itself and that is an amazing thing.

It is not the big goals that end up being treasured at death so many have said at the moment. It was the little wonders and moments with others that were so special. As the Beatles said it so well, “Because the world is round it turns me on.”

This morning I awoke as I always do and as usual forgot to thanks the world for carrying me safely as I slept. I was more concerned with the busy day ahead and the many tasks to perform. I got ready and ran out the door, double checking the stove burner as I usually do in my own neurotic way. Grabbing an umbrella I shut the door. Making my way down the side of my house to my car the still dripping wet bushes edged in closer. The heat was already unbearable I was thinking just as I slid to a halt. Before me was a massive spider web stretching to all corners of my path.

Some days I would be annoyed and a bit thankful I did not run into it. I was just inched from doing just that and noticed the huge spider busily working on her home in the center. Why are spiders always “she”? Must be a throw back to Charlotte and her infamous writings.

That moment I could only stand in awe. Spread out in thin silk before me was a wonderful sculpture depicting nature’s complexity. Here and there were small drops of water caught not like flies, but welcome companions. The light played across the strings like music. No amount of paltry poetic license could do this justice. It was not just the web itself, it was the stop sign nature placed in my way. In that moment I remembered. I remembered all the things I should remember; moments, beauty and happiness. I remembered to remind myself to be happy and I did.

I turned and walked the long way around and was happy to do so. For that moment I was happy with just about anything. The Art of Living…

a rip of myself

I wonder if I have social anxiety disorder.

Do not live later. Do not put off living to purchase things or get a degree. Live now; live while you gain these extra things.

I can live in a hurried fashion, always rushing from one thing to the next. Looking forwards to the next event and thus almost neglecting the present moment. I often wonder why I do this and why I let this unhappiness occur, aren’t I smarter than this?

My concerns and my spirit is somewhere else. I know that I should relax and enjoy the moment, but it is so difficult. Maybe it is easier to enjoy moments I can make up in my mind. Maybe it is an escape to live in the future. I go out with friends and in a while I get anxious and start thinking of being home, it is safe and there is no pressure. I wish I got more done at home.

I feel the same way when I am in a conversation with someone, most people. See, once I am in a conversation with someone I begin to worry I am running out of things to say or ask. I often blank when I am talking to people and this makes me nervous. So, I get nervous when I am in a conversation. Not that it happens with everyone, but most people. I worry that I will say something contradictory (not that I ever really have) or stupid or run out of things and be foolish. The longer a conversation goes on the deeper this feeling gets.

I do not feel alive at these moments. I feel like I am shrinking from the inside out and cannot do anything about it. I am living somewhere else, some other time and not now. All I really want is to control my moments and enjoy each moment, yet I am pulled from them with an uncontrollable urge.

There are moments, divine moments that I can sit and feel the air around me, listen to the trees and rustle of the breeze, just feel the Universe turning and I feel alive. I know these are the moment for me and about me. I take moments and try and be completely aware, notice things I would not notice in any other moment. I am amazed about how much is around me that I can enjoy when I open my senses. Within these moments there is magic and power, I feel the power of the universe. And I feel connected to it. Living in these moments makes living an amazing thing.

I also get this rush when I am ready a deeply philosophical article or book. I glimpse a great secret and feel as if I a part of some deep mystery. In this way I know that this glimpse into “enlightenment” can be shared. This gives me hope.

I know I need to stop worrying so much about how others may see me and put forth a more positive personality that everyone says they see. That maybe I am making up paranoia out of nothing, but I also know I can’t turn my back on these feelings, when they do exist within me, even if the outside world does not see it.

I do feel best when I am reading and creating alone in my apartment, but that does not mean I do not want to be loved and have normal relationships, which I do. I think a lot of people doubt themselves on these levels and it might be normal. Sometimes I do not feel normal. I know that “ordinary” and “normal” are very relative terms, almost meaningless. Everyone can be seen as amazing by someone at the right time.

So many books have helped shape my image of the world. Funny how I do not fit into this world at times. But maybe this is because I think too much about it, or it is a byproduct of attempting to remove myself from the world to observe it more clearly. I am not sure. I am torn in so many directions at once. My desire to see the world purely and from an outside and my needs to fit in and live a normal life. Hmm…

Saturday, July 02, 2005

06.30.05 loves is a tangle

Sometimes there are too many people to love and none of them are the right ones. Sometimes I give up on writing my thoughts for months at a time. They do not seem worth keeping. Then I glance the thoughts of another and it all clicks.

Love is a tangled forest you push yourself desperately through, looking for your one path through life. There just seem to be so many false paths within site right now. Looking backwards first I can still feel MG at my back. Farther still is KB, way over the hills in my memory. It is amazing how the mind heals itself to the point of “What was I thinking?” and makes it a good thing you slammed the door while saying goodbye. MG was another story. I ended that with all my fury and now, at times, wonder if I am a fool and too embarrassed to say more. She was not the wrong person for me, just the wrong moment. Now she is off in another’s arms and I am happy for her. She does not call anymore and yet we talk off and on. We meet for dinner on occasion and everything is so easy, as easy as talking to myself I tell myself from time to time. Am I as blind and stupid as I think sometimes?

So I push on to find my own way, I only glance back on occasion and not for long. Must push ahead. There are new voices: eggs, yes eggs is her nickname and not for reasons you can think of. Dirty mind. A bit pushy, but a good person. Sometimes wanting things to be a certain way and not mine. Kissing is nice, if not earthquakes (see this is when KB returns, with thoughts of a good kisser, if not at being a person) Why can’t there be one perfect package? LOL, even though I am not.

Then there is Julix. Probably the most attractive (and dangerous) woman ever to write dirty thoughts to me and express much interest. She has never met me and yet is extremely tempting. Maybe because she has not met me is why she is so amazing. I am now sure she is lying to me to come here. I do have doubts she does not want to use me. But, holy crap she is hot.

There are one or two others, MB and assorted other possibilities. I flip flop on a regular basis as to why and how I even meet these people, and why. I thought writing about this would help me clear things up, I think that looking down at this page is actually sending me into a state of wonderment, “how do you do this to yourself?”

ARGH!

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

been gone


wow, have been so busy and a couple more months of this crap.

one day... one day

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Culture of life

What a weird week, the Pope dies and everyone seems to want to pray for his soul. Odd is that if there was anyone who did not need their soul prayed for it would be a Pope. Just another theoretical note in Church just being a mass delusion for people belonging to something with meaning. Which hints at it is all just made up to make us feel better about our existence, which in my book is just as likely as any other scenario we could come up with.

As well as this woman in Florida everyone is freaking out about. As if this does not happen every week and this woman being taken off food and water is a unique case. It is good to note she is actually NOT on life support, only feeding tubes. Which ruins the case for life support and keeping someone alive that could not live if off machines. Just that she can't feed herself, which happens every day in every hospital.

What really pisses me off is statements of a "Society of Life" or whatever other bullshit politicians are pushing as they also vote for the death penalty and soldiers to go off and kill in the name of oil, or freedom or whatever. If we live in a culture of life be consistent. We will distribute free condoms and give free vasectomies to anyone who wants it to avoid abortion. We will stop paying farmers NOT to grow food and give it free to every nation needing it and start to feed and shelter (in a SAFE manner) everyone who needs it. We will stop supporting any regime that kills or tortures (hell, we'll stop killing and torturing) and stop support totalitarian regimes that are economically convenient and so stop having to go to war. We will finally give the UN the power and will to eradicate dictators and spread
Democracy in an even and fair way across the globe and stop back stabbing every freedom fighting group; we support at one point. We will completely and utterly support life on a global scale, stop supporting corporations over life. The same Bastard that voted that an HMO can shut down life support in the patient can't pay any more needs to get consistent (Bush) and get on the ball.

Culture of life, as long as you can pay, is more like it right now.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Thoughts on good and evil

Thoughts on good and evil

I struggle with the question of evil. On one side it seems so self evident that evil exists. It seems so true within the actions of some who hate so completely. Or, are they just broken individuals drawn to acts that are more base and reptilian, yet rationalized within a fragile logical consciousness. We know we misunderstand natural disasters as GOD’s will, when they are just an interacting planet moving about. We see it as evil because of the suffering we endure in our struggle to survive. But is there “evil?”

Animals hunt and kill every day without a pause or thought. They are not complex enough to “think” about what they are doing. They have a need to live and act on this. It is in no way a sin. But, we have the ability to sin, or are we all mistaken?

I struggle only because I would like to promote a philosophical system that backs up compassion. It can only be based on mammalian needs and social order we have as humans. Why does this not sound like enough? I feel driven to keep asking these questions over and over again.

For more than 18 years I have struggled with all these questions. Since I decided I would reject Anthropocentric Theologies and try and find a more Universal GOD and spirituality. It seems to never end. I also believe this may be an answer; the universe is infinite and created on the basis of possibilities. That the Path is the answer and not the end answer itself. It is in the asking and the struggle to find the answer as a single generation in the finite existence of one race. The Infinite is its own answer and our enlightenment is only to be found in the glimpses we are given while we strive. If we end, we end and the Path begins for another.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

snowy night

1/23/05

I am sitting completely relaxed next to the double windows. Outside is the calm night after the big dig. Not the one under Boston, the one over all the East Coast. I have silenced my TV; I do not feel the need for its company. I watch distant red taillights move in the night and enjoy the last moments of 35. Tomorrow is my birthday.

There can be great sadness at turning another year and all is the same. The dreams of youth have not emerged and I have learned to live with what is not an extraordinary life. Many may even find me quite ordinary. But as I age (and yes, I am still young) I find that it is the simple things in life that make it all worthwhile. Why need a fancy car when a little Hyundai (the Silver Bullet) will do. Why have the need for a roller coaster when a slow walk offers so much more time to talk and feel. What matters most; being wanted, hugging, involvement in others lives, is completely free. Those other things are actually distractions from what makes us truly happy.

I do not even know what I am aiming at with this Blog tonight. Maybe to just let myself know there was a night where it all fit. It was all calm and made peaceful sense. To sit in the quiet and look out the window, not at a world going by while I am in four walls. But a gentle evening of snow. The world stopped this weekend because of snow. I stopped to pause before the beginning.

Tomorrow I turn 36 and begin a new journey. A journey I have been preparing for many years in my sketchbook and scraps of paper. I start my sculpture class and my 3D world begins. A smile grows on my lips just thinking about it.

Let Phase 12 JDP begin!